My friend says you were Tony Danza on Who’s the Boss but I say no way. Who’s right? Please settle our bet; my autographed James Van Der Beek riding chaps are on the line! I can’t quit those chaps. I hang them from my ceiling fan every night and gaze at the dancing pant shadows as I drift off to sleep. Sometimes I pretend I’m Paula Abdul.
Anyway tell my friend what a dirty sanchez he is (he’s fat). There’s no way you could have been Tony Danza in Who’s the Boss because you’re a Canadian. Yuck!
Do you think Kirk Cameron ever mined Tracey’s Gold?
Sincerely,
Hopefully Not Chapless in Boise
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Dear Alan:
Who invented your jacket? That bit at the top is the best jacket top I have ever seen (it's great).
Best regards,
I want that jacket.
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Dear Alan, It's official! I got confirmation from the court today; my name is now legally Rick Thicke. I'm not actually related to you but for the last few months I've been telling people that I am your son. It gets me into clubs and helps with the ladies (oh boy!). It's really making my life awesome (actually really awesome) so I figured why not go ahead and make it all legal.
My old name was Harold Barnsworth and let me tell you that wasn't working out at all. I was 28 before I even kissed a girl (does kissing the hair on the back of a girl's head on the train count?)!
Anyway, I'm writing to ask a favor. Can you send me an autographed picture of your giant face that says "To my son, Rick Thicke. You are awesome, just like me! Love, Alan Thicke (your real dad)!"I'm going to hang it on my bedroom wall and carry a copy in my jeans pocket for emergencies.
Sincerely,
Rick Thicke (Yes!) son of Alan
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