a metaphor for breastfeeding/breastfeeding as a metaphor

he dates anorexic girls. not because they're skinny, but because they don't get their periods anymore. they don't bleed on his penis. they don't taste like rusty coat hangers. these girls, the ones who do not get their periods anymore, are sometimes cunts. not bleeding cunts, just cunts. being hungry all the time makes them mean. and some of them pass out at inconvenient times. "in the middle of it" or at the movies. people worry about these anorexic girls. he tells the people that it is okay. the girls are just sleeping. he tunes out when they are being very cunty or he calls them fat and they go away. he likes the peach fuzz that covers their bodies and their faces. he smooths it down.

his friend does not date anorexic girls. he likes tall girls or short girls. his opening line is "do you want to give me a haircut?" a lot of girls do want to give him a haircut. he is nice to the girls who give him a haircut.

these two boys, they have a friend who is a girl. she is the perfect girl. they don't want to fuck her. they like her. the three of them are friends. the girl, she likes boys who play music. she likes boys who play the violin. she wears a t-shirt that says "i like the way you fiddle." at the university she studies the mathemathical method known as Free Induction Decay Deconvolution for Lineshape Enhancement in nmr data processing because she likes the acronym.

something happens and the group go their separate ways. down the line somewhere they all meet in a coffee shop and catchup.

the boy who dated anorexic girls is fat now. he is married to a nurse and he is happy. he has kids. one of his kids is a girl and he worries about her.

the boy who had hair, the boy who offered his hair to the girls, that boy is a lawyer now. he is divorced but his ex-wife still cuts his hair. he is dating again. he still likes short girls or tall girls. he bought a kindle.

the girl, the perfect girl, she taught herself how to play guitar. she has a job but the two boys don't really understand it. it has something to do with mathematics and she likes it. she is married to a guy with a moustache. he does not play the violin and the three of them laugh about it.

she liked something

she liked something and he wondered how she could like it. he didn't like it. he didn't like that she liked it. how could she like it? it bothered him. he didn't like being bothered. he didn't like being bothered by her. he asked her about it. she said that she likes to like things and that was it. she was flippant about it. he didn't like that she was flippant about it. he told her that he didn't like that she was flippant about it. she told him to fuck off. she doesn't like him any more. he doesn't like that she doesn't like him any more. he tried to tell her that he doesn't like it that she doesn't like him any more but she would not answer his calls.

she likes french guys

they were talking in bed and he said something about tennis skirts and she said she always wanted to do it with a french guy. the next time they made love he shouted out "i'm french, i'm french" when he came. she thought it was funny but it did not turn her on.

Parlez-vous français? (Do you play guitar?)

there were two french girls and they were sisters and they were ugly all over the outside of their bodies. sideways faces, upside down knees, inverted nipples. busted nose. hammer toes. but inside in their brains and in their hearts and in their whole la façon d'est they were wicked fucking sexy.


i didn't know them. i saw a poster on campus and it said "parlez-vous français?" and it was stapled half on top of another poster but i didn't realize it was two separate posters and the other poster had a picture of a guy playing guitar and i always wanted to play guitar and i was with melvin so i said hey melvin what does "parlez-vous français?" mean and he said "do you play guitar?" and i said no. not yet.


the poster had a meeting room and a time on it so i figured what the hell and i bought a guitar off some kid in my dorm and i showed up at the time and the place and there they were. etienne and philippine. they were very ugly. a bunch of other folkers were there too. mingling around and eating cheese and speaking french and i didn't speak french and so obviously i was in the wrong place. but then etienne pointed at me and said something in french and everybody stopped what they were doing and made some kind of weird "yay" sound and then they all started clapping like i was somebody who was about to do something that they were expecting to enjoy.


so i walked up to the front of the room and stood there with my guitar around my neck and i sang enter sandman by metallica. it sounded kind of weird because i didn't play the guitar at all but they thought it was great. afterwards phillipine came up to me and i remember thinking how ugly she was and she said oh i thought you were going to play some french songs and i said well i only know frère jacques and she said oh ok and gave me twenty bucks. then another guy came in with a guitar and i ran away.


next time i saw etienne and philippine they were playing ultimate frisbee on the quad and i was drinking a coke and etienne stopped me and asked if she could have some and i usually don't like to share too much and especially don't like it when the person looks like they will probably leave their drippy spit all over everything and she definitely looked like that type on account of how ugly and drooly her mouth was. but there's something about etienne, no matter how ugly she is all over the outside of her body, she's the type of girl that you want to do things for. and to. oh god that probably sounds disgusting because she's so ugly but i'm telling you, i've never wanted to crawl all up inside a girl's vagina as badly as i wanted to crawl all up inside etienne's vagina. except maybe philippine's.


i never did though. neither/nor. but somehow i wound up in their circle of friends. they started teaching me french and in the summer a group of us went to paris for study abroad. it was fucking insensé in the membrensé. they took me to parties and i met a girl and we did it in the bathroom of the musée du louvre okay it wasn't the louvre and we didn't actually do it but we kissed in a museum and it was nice. and the girl, her name is natalie, she was a singer but not just a singer because she had a record deal and she taught me how to play guitar and she wrote a song about me and i married her.


then just this past week, natalie and i were back in paris because we live in the states but we spend a month in paris every year in the summer time, and we were eating crepes and then we saw etienne and philippine strolling right down the street in front of us. just as ugly as ever. we said hello and they remembered us and we all got drunk and they came up to our room and i sang enter sandman for them and this time i played the guitar parts, too. it was the best night of my life.

and i liked it

i found a cigarette and i smoked it. i kinda liked it. i'm glad i tried it. so i bought a pack and i smoked it. i didn't hide it. until i met a girl who would not abide it. she said if i smoked i couldn't ride it. so i said i quit then i smoked (a little bit) and when she asked i denied it. she opened up my mouth and smelled inside it. and that's a bit weird right? i mean she put her nose all up inside my mouth hole and i wanted real bad to just bight down on her nose but then i was all what if i bight her nose off, the blood would probably get all over my t-shirt and how would we explain it all in the emergency room. too much drama so i just said orble whorble like i was choking and then finally she took her snot garage out of my mouth and said something like smells like smoke down there. yeah well that's because i'm too legit to quit although i didn't actually say that i think i just said something like yeah, sorry and then she said she was serious because her father died of lung cancer or actually it was her uncle i guess but either way she said she hated cigarettes and so i said okay i really will quit. and i did but then things happened and by things i mean she did it with her tutor at the university and i was all oh come on i quit cigarettes for you and she was all yeah well you should have quit anyway and now it's been 19 years that i haven't had a cigarette and i didn't die of lung cancer and now actually i think people who smoke are kind of lame. like that guy outside the restaurant and he was just smoking right there and i said douchebag but to my friend not right to his face but he heard it because i did say it kind of loudly and then he punched me right in the guts. that's fair enough i guess. he probably likes it.

next wednesday

sometimes you have to write a story that is good or that isn't good just to get an idea out of your head. to stop it from infesting your brain. like the idea about a boy and a girl. the boy says i'm going to fuck you into next wednesday and the girl is all do you mean tomorrow or the following wednesday and the boy says well, tomorrow i guess because we're going to visit my mum on saturday and i probably shouldn't be fucking you all up in her house. and the girl rolls her eyes and the boy says what, come on, she's okay with you now, she likes you, i just think it would be disrespectful and the girl says yeah i'm calling bullshit on that because your mum hates me, i heard her telling your sister that i'm a scabby girl and i don't even know what a scabby girl is but i don't like the sound of it.

a scabby girl is a girl who has no class says the boy. just because i hold my fork in the wrong hand or whatever doesn't mean i have no class the girl says and plus your mum doesn't think i'm nice enough to you but i am. you should tell her how nice i am. like sometimes when we fuck i'm not that into it but i keep it going so that you can still have a good time and feel like you are man enough to satisfy me. you should tell her that.

what? says the boy. that's crap because you do like it otherwise why would you scream and that neighbour guy told me he can hear you sometimes when he's trying to watch the gossip show on tv. i know i do like it the girl says. it's just that, sometimes ... sometimes i wish your mother wouldn't be such a cunt all the time.

look, says the boy, that's my mum and i kind of wish you wouldn't call her a cunt because i hate being in the middle of it all. you should stand up for me sometimes says the girl. you should just talk to her yourself says the boy. she's really okay when you get to know her, when you figure out how she operates.

whatever says the girl, are you still going to fuck me into tomorrow? maybe just into about 11pm says the boy. i want to hit the gym in the morning.

At the Movies

(click the links, okay)

Girly Boy

Back to the Eighties

What the Critics are Saying
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#1 Recommend

“Would be better if there was not alot of drug addiction and confusion.”

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#2 Pass

“I thought this film was hilarious, and starkly original. The only thing keeping me from recommending it is that it crosses the line of decorum (makes 'Something About Mary's' hair/semen scene look like a church sermon). “

“The writer had a great concept and has a wonderful comic touch. Extreme potential here, but it would never reach Hollywood in it's present form.”

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#3 Pass

“This script was by far, the most hilarious one I have read yet.”

“There are so many other parts of the script that I laughed so hard, I had tears in my eyes, but I would be hard pressed for space to list them all.”

“Although, I laughed hysterically at times, while reading, I feel that this type of movie would not appeal to the general public. This is the most original script I have read yet, and I applaud you on the effort you gave to it.”

---------------------

#4 Pass

“Wow. Where to begin? This script is disturbing on many levels. Don't we, as a society, usually try to stay away from naked teenage sex scenes in movies? I thought the scene with Vagina and "Juicy Lucy" was disgusting. And does the author honestly think anyone's going to make a movie where the main character's name is "Vagina?"”

“The sad part is, this script is really funny in some places, and downright hilarious at times.

The script makes a great statement about being yourself and making people accept you for who you are.”

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#5 Pass

“I could not believe that someone who is obviously talented with writing would spend time writing this film and then submitting it. The author can write, but his story was so incredibly crude, disgusting and unrealistic that I really felt like my time was wasted reading it.”

“The name alone is ridiculous. No lead of any movie would be named Vagina. Virginia accidentially spelled? Not even remotely funny.”

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#6 Recommend

“A funny, ironic, mataphorical observation of life.”

“Probably the funniest thing i have read or 'seen' in a really long time.

You are brilliant!”

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#7 Pass

“A disgusting sexual comedy.”

“It's just gross.”

“This was very imaginative. It was like nothing i've ever read before. Very sick and twisted.”

“It's too bad that you spent all your time on such a nasty story. You have a unique imagination you should use it to produce a quality script.”

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#8 Recommend

“This is, by far, the best script I've read so far... ATTN: Greenlight: this script should be one of your finalists... It might be a little controversial, but it is brilliant!!!”

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#9 Pass

“He's befriended by two wierd twin girls (everyone's wierd by the way)”

“What is this story about? It's the most ridiculous thing I ever read -- I really had to force myself to get through it. A for Originality though, but it's pretty sick also.”

“Please don't force me to read another like this one. I'll do anything, please!”

sounds of summer

pee shy
garbage can
oh boy
love to fight
happy birthday
glide in blue
forgot my keys
feminine itch and odor
out the back

jesus and the science girls

mary wanted jesus to study philosophy at the university but he wasn't hearing any of it. "come on mom, shit," he would say, "ain't no cute girls in philosophy." what he really meant was "ain't no science girls in philosophy" because it was the science girls who caught his eye. the lab coats, the glasses, the way they parted their hair down the middle. the science girls gave jesus a giant boner.

so jesus signed up for some chemistry and biology classes. he wore his "do you know jesus" t-shirt and told people he was pre-med. the science girls weren't that into jesus but he was persistent. he cured their diseases and did fancy tricks for them. he turned ethanol into wine and got them drunk. he made his disciples chant the periodic table while they rubbed the science girls' feet. eventually jesus grew on the science girls. they liked having him around. he was a good time guy. one of the science girls kissed jesus. another one let him cup her breast. jesus felt like he was making progress.

the next semester jesus signed up for an anatomy class. the class was loaded with science girls. his lab partner was a science girl. he wanted to do things with his lab partner. sexual things. he wanted to go all the way. but on the first day of class the teacher announced that they would be examining actual human dead bodies. students would be required to stick their fingers inside actual human dead bodies. the teacher said anybody who was not comfortable with that fact could withdraw from the class without penalty. jesus was not comfortable with that fact. but when another boy stood up and left the class all the science girls giggled in condemnation. jesus did not want to be condemned by the science girls.

so jesus decided to tough it out. he would close his eyes and pretend the bodies were sandwiches. but then the teacher wheeled the first actual human dead body into the classroom and the air quickly filled with the stench of formaldehyde. jesus vomited. the vomit splashed off a beaker on the table top and sprayed his lab partner's coat. he started to apologize but as soon as he opened his mouth he vomited again. this time the vomit landed on his lab partner's suede boots. suede boots are hard to clean.

word quickly spread and jesus became an outcast. some of the science girls pitied him. some of them were revolted by him. others thought he was a dick head.

jesus was embarrassed. he dropped out of the university and went to work for his dad. mary brought him a brochure for the local community college. "i don't need no stinking degree," he told her, "school is bunk."

then a few years later while he was out and about doing god's work, jesus came across his old anatomy lab partner. they struck up a conversation and chuckled about the suede shoes. the science girl apologized for treating jesus poorly. jesus apologized for vomiting on her expensive shoes. all was forgiven. but jesus knew he was never going to go all the way with the science girl. the moment had passed. she had a boyfriend now and he had a big speech to prepare. so jesus and the science girl went their separate ways, never knowing what might have been.

my hair is the greatest american hero

my hair is big and awesome and better than anything you've ever done with your life. i don't even know if it looks more awesome when i wake up in the morning or even more awesome after i have a shower and "do it." people literally, figuratively, and virtually jump up in the air and say wow when they walk past me (because they think my hair is really awesome). they give me high fives and say things like hey can you believe how awesome your hair is and i say yeah, i know, it's really awesome and then they say yeah, it is. i'm going to go and look at it right now.

today

if today was a girl i'd buy her lunch and take a bight, kiss her lips and hug her tight, hold her hand and write a song, forget the words and sing it wrong. if today was a girl she'd blow my mind and get undressed. she'd guide my hand right to her breast. then she'd stop and say let's save the rest. tomorrow is another day.

18

you're 18 and why are you so confident? in your voice and in your eyes i am 100 years older than you and still trying to fuck you for knowing what to do and who you are so fucking together when it took me all of my life and i'm not dead so you do the tony danza on that one. on a perfect day when the wind is blowing me and my hair is looking just how i like it and jonathan taylor thomas is right there ordering the same thing i just ordered and did he do it because i did or he likes it that way anyway it's one of those days which never happen to me but it's just a thursday for you and on friday you go to buy those pants and they're on sale for eight dollars and i have a headache. i didn't mean to tell you fuck you just now but see that's what i'm talking about because you walk around wearing that dress and smiling at people and they feel happy and i want to stab them in the face but not to kill them just to i don't even know because i'm watching tv and you're on there right now singing a duet with that guy and you look at him kind of sexy sideways and at the end he goes to give you a high five and instead you hug him. and you're 18 and you tell people things and they laugh at my moustache and i tell people things and they nod and then tell me the things you told them and i had a dream the other day that i was in a karate fight and i was wearing karate pajamas and i was winning but then the other guy said that isn't a real karate outfit those are pajamas and the crowd laughed and the guy kicked me in the head and i felt sad. you probably dream about motorbikes or outer space and i like that you exist i just don't know how and sometimes i wonder if people can smell my feet.

debate club

i was recently asked to prepare a list of debate topics for the 1978 international and canada middle school debate competition, which is to be held in lexington, kentucky at the end of this month.

these are them. one team will argue the affirmative, the other team will argue the negative. the judging panel will consist of ving rhames, celine dion, richard dawkins (deceased), valerie harper, and miley cyrus.

1. grizzly bears are gay for robots
2. mario lópez
3. police academy 7 is a better movie than police academy 2
4. censorship is {CENSORED} retarded
5. "yeah, i dunno. she either had down syndrome or she was asian"
6. remember when that one kid with down syndrome was bagging my groceries at farmer jacks and he hissed at me
7. outer space and the future and robots are all the same thing
8. there are karate sluts on the moon 
9. it all starts in the colon
10. leather pants in the summer time
11. trousers
12. the genome project was invented by gary sinise
13. saying menses instead of mensa is not annoying
14. girls in the chess club are more likely to give you a handie than a cheerleader
15. wait, are there even any girls in the chess club?
16. poor people love big TVs
17. rich kids always murder or rape somebody
18. you should let the big bottomed girl climb up the ladder first
19. knowing the pat benatar love is a battlefield dance = awesome
20. space camp is a little but stupid
21. punky forgiana is the master barefooter 
22. i almost got through this whole thing without a single mass debate joke 

same sex robot radio show

we listen to the same sex robot radio show. we aren't same sex robots though. they play music that you can listen to and they have a chat session where people can call in and say things. robots i mean. last night a robot called in and said that his life partner robot had the same voice modulation chip as him so when people or robots call their house it is difficult to tell which same sex robot they are talking to. plus the one robot's name is velocity 2000 and the other robot's name is voltron 2000 so sometimes they get letters for mr. v 2000. so the one robot answered the phone one day and pretended to be the other robot and the robot on the phone was all "what are you wearing" and the robot pretender was all "i'm wearing robot trousers" and the robot on the phone said "ooh take off your robot trousers again like you did last time" and "i'm oscillating my refractor node" and then the one robot knew that his same sex robot life partner was so busted because he must have this kind of robot phone sex all the time. stupid robots.

we laugh at them. every night we listen to their stupid robot problems and we say things like stupid robots or something else. tonight we're going to call in and pretend to be same sex robots. we're going to say something about a stupid robot problem and then right at the end we'll shout out "stupid robots" and hang up. that's why humans are smarter than robots.

rent-a-bear

you can rent bears now. for birthday parties or to be in movies, etc. they come with a "handler" who tells the bears what to do. the bears are handcuffed and footcuffed until you are ready for them to do something. then the handler uncuffs them and shoves chunks of meat into their bear faces. then he yells commands like "hoi" and "butt butt butt" and the bears do whatever it is "hoi" or "butt butt butt" means.

i rented a bear. it cost $950 for the day plus i gave him a $50 tip so really it was an even thousand.

i wasn't having a birthday party i just always wanted to kick back with a bear and listen to some coltrane. it was just how i imagined it. i sat next to the bear and he didn't judge me for listening to a cassette tape instead of an LP or a CD or an MP3 he just chilled out and appreciated the music and he looked at me while i sang  "a love supreme, a love supreme, a love supreme."

after that we watched some re-runs of the fall guy and i told the handler that i wanted the bear to laugh like a "oh, come on, that's ridiculous" kind of laugh but the handler said bears can't laugh but he could wave his hand at the tv. so i told him whenever colt says something he should wave his hand at the tv and he did and it was pretty great. he'd wave and i'd laugh.

i asked the handler if the bear had ever been on tv and he said no but sandy duncan once rented him out because her house backed up onto the woods and the whole neighborhood was frightened because a wild bear had been eating dogs and cats from people's backyards so she wanted to rent a bear and pretend to kill it to make her kids feel better. it all went a bit haywire because the other bear showed up when the rent-a-bear was there and they growled at each other and then the other bear just ran away and it turned out sandy duncan's gun was loaded with real bullets and he thinks she was actually going to really kill his bear.

i told the handler that i liked the tv show bj and the bear and then i felt instantly embarrassed because that is a monkey and not a bear but the handler didn't say anything. he might be too young to know what bj and the bear is. or any which way but loose.

the bear didn't have a name. well, his name was "the bear" i guess. at the end of the day the handler put the bear back into his cage and drove him back to the forest or wherever it is that bears live when they are not being rented out.

the aliens have big penises

they descended from the skies in heart shaped metal-machines. future metal that was fleshy and rounded and comfortable. they emerged. they were aliens.

the women were athletic and small-breasted. they were good conversationalists. they were attractive. we wanted to get to know them.

the men were handsome and witty and they wore clothes that we thought would look good on us. we wanted to get to know them, too.

they were lovely.

they introduced us to music. we called it space music and it was very enjoyable. there were instruments that we didn't know about. the tunes were catchy and the lyrics were sophisticated.

they told us stories of exploration and adventure and travel. exciting stories.

they enjoyed meeting new species. they were not missionaries and they didn't want to murder us and steal our natural resources. they were friendly aliens.

they stayed.

they listened to us and helped us solve social problems and sudoku puzzles.

they danced with us.

it was really a wonderful time.

until the jealousy.

the envy.

we knew that it was wrong. but the men aliens had big penises. they liked to insert their big penises into our women. and our women liked to hold the big penises and look at them and enjoy them.

we felt inferior. our self-esteem was lost. we had normal sized penises but suddenly they felt very, very small.

we projected our self-hatred onto the men aliens. we tried to hurt them with words and fists.

the men aliens talked to the women aliens and they decided to leave us. to go onward. to seek out other experiences. they climbed into their machines and they were comfortable. they smiled and they waved and they drifted away.

our women are still angry. our self-esteem remains low.

i don't know what you look like

i think about you a lot when i masturbate. i know, i don't actually know what you look like. i think you probably look like tracy gold. or tracy chapman. are you black? i'm black. i look like dustin hoffman. in my wank dreams your face keeps morphing into all your other faces like in that godley and creme video. for some reason i also picture you singing "do they know it's christmas" a lot. can you sing? i can't hold a tune myself but i'm pretty good on the synthesizer. i can play it like a piano or like a drum. i'm not going to tell you for sure but i might be a bit older than what i said last time. i'll keep you guessing. maybe i am or maybe i'm not. i don't think you're older than what you said. you might be fat. i hope i never meet you.

big tits

he was wearing a superman t-shirt and he said he would buy one but only because she had big tits. she didn't think that was very super but she needed the commission because her boyfriend was a footballer and last year the other girls said that she was brave to try and bring acid wash back. she didn't think it was acid wash but they said it was and they laughed and they also all wore those giant sunglasses and loads of make-up so this year she wanted to fit in or maybe even stand out but not in a bad way. she needed a nice frock and boots and that all costs money even though her boyfriend says it doesn't matter to him if she wears acid wash. she told him it wasn't acid wash but he thought it was too but he didn't care.

she justified the sale because it wasn't her fault she had big tits and she couldn't help it if guys want to buy things from girls who have big tits. her boyfriend said he liked her tits a lot and he liked to mash them around but he wouldn't care if she had no tits and she figured he meant if she had small tits because having no tits at all would be a bit strange but actually now that she thought about it he would probably still love her even if she had no tits at all. he was a really nice guy and he would never tell a girl that he was buying something just because she had big tits.

she hoped his mates didn't give him a hard time about her. she sat with the other girls but sometimes she didn't know what to say because they would talk about the guys and who had a giant cock and who came too early and she watched the game and yelled things at the umpires.

she didn't have quite enough so she used her credit card, which is something she doesn't do except that time she bought a helicopter ride for her boyfriend because he likes helicopters a lot and she paid it off the next month. she looked in the mirror and she agreed with herself that she had done a good job and now she looked just like them except she couldn't work out how much eyeliner to put on because it was too much and then her boyfriend came in and gave her a squeeze from behind and a kiss on the neck and he told her that she looked great but he did the same thing last year so the only way she would find out is if the other girls said something nice or if they laughed again.

the handjob blog

a handjob occurs when the woman uses the hand part of her body to stroke the penis part of a man's body.

sometimes there is no woman involved. i.e., man-on-man handjob action is permissible, and for some, preferable.

handjobs were invented by a couple of dutch teenagers in 1987.

prior to 1987 couples would engage in mouth jobs, dry humping, "foot rolling," or bawdy conversation.

common terms for a handjob include handy, palm sunday, tuggie, and tom hanks.

handjobs can relieve stress, boredom, frustration, depression, and erections.

ejaculation must occur for the handjob to be considered complete.

handjobs are not restrained to the bedroom. other places they can occur include: bathroom, swimming pool,  bus, movie theater, bleachers, beach, couch, shower, classroom, bushes, conference room, nightclub, car, ferris wheel, and on horseback.

lubrication is optional for handjobs. hot sauce is not a suitable lubricant.

if it tickles, you are doing it wrong.

integration is an emerging trend in the world of handjobs. people are beginning to incorporate handjobs into their daily activities. for example, you can get a handjob while eating lunch or while attending a parent teacher conference.

if every man in china faced the same direction at the same time while receiving a handjob the resulting wave of semen would generate enough force when it splotched on the ground to temporarily speed the earth's rotation by 0.000000000000000000000014 meters per second.

handjobs are appealing to people of all ages, however interest has subsided in recent years. a poll conducted by usa today revealed that people now prefer the following things to handjobs: butterflies; cookies with m&m's in them; mandy moore; two and a half men; telling it like it is; and robots.

the tender man and the lady who was different than the other ladies

he was a tender man, "good with the ladies" as they say. not just good with them, good for them. he understood women. he knew when to hold their hands and hug them and kiss their necks and when to nod his head and talk about love and rocking chairs and when to touch their forearms and whisper something about the smalls of their backs and nibble their ears and he also knew when to fuck them very hard in the vagina parts of their bodies. for the women he had known liked to be caressed on occasion. romanced. appreciated. and sometimes penetrated very deeply behind the dumpster in the alley.

but she was different. he did not understand her. he would try to fuck her very hard in the vagina part of her body and she would say no, cuddle me now. and he would hold her hand tenderly, as only a tender man can, and she would twist his arm behind his back and insert penis shaped objects into his buttocks. she intrigued him. she wobbled his quo. he did not like having things squeezed up into his anus but he did like the feeling of not knowing. of not understanding. it was liberating and exciting and sometimes she would give him handjobs in the movie theater.