Tuesday, April 20, 2010

colony collapse disorder

my love for you is a thousand million bees. swarming bees dancing on the flowers, sperming honey into jars, and stinging children in their faces. buzzing bees that hum along to peter bjorn and john.

but the bees are dying. they wander off to god knows where. they get drunk and they die. they implode and explode and disintegrate into thin air. they spontaneously combust. entire colonies are collapsing in the bathrooms at work. they are having epileptic fits in front of the TV and their friends are putting spoons in their mouths but it doesn't seem to help. and the few bees that do survive are left riddled with disease, suffering from a tremendous and unexplainable pathogen load. and their feet stink.

the scientists don't understand. they don't know why the bees are disappearing. maybe all these cell phones are emitting radioactive bee waves. or maybe some crazy girl bees are lacing all the bee food with rat poison. theories. hillary clinton has heard about it, too. she wants to know what is going on but nobody can figure it out. all we know is the bees are dying and soon our entire ecosystem will crumble. you'd be surprised how useful bees are. we need them to pollinate all kinds of different foods like apples or almonds or beef strogonoff. it's called entomophily and without it we will all cease to exist.

maybe something can be done, but honestly, at this point, i think we should just start seeing other people.


  1. rollerfunkingfabulous

    i think you need to know this:
    there's a woman following me on twitter and her name is "rollerchick66"
    i blame you. thanks.

  2. if you break up with me, i will kill myself with a rusty teryper

  3. Seriously, I really love beef stroganoff.

  4. Anonymous10:07 AM

    Rollerfink writes non-fiction too!
    Nice ending.

  5. ana, i think kevin's twitter handle is rollerchick66


    What does scersall mean?

  7. brb convulsing in indecent joy


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