Friday, July 23, 2010

Snatch Match Dot Com

So many of my friends are single and AWESOME and for one reason or another they are having a hard time snatching up the perfect mate. That's why I've invented! It's a scientific-based, patent-pending calcularization machine that is guaranteed to help singles snatch up compatible (and AWESOME) partners before they are whisked away by some dude/lady who is NOT VERY AWESOME!

So if you are single and AWESOME then simply answer the questionnaire below and you will be connected with someone who is just as AWESOME as you! Or don't. But if you don't you will probably end up with someone like my friend Mitch (he's definitely NOT AWESOME! but he is my friend so don't say anything mean okay).

  1. What's your favourite episode of Quantum Leap?
  2. [FOR GUYS ONLY] Do you consider yourself more of an A.C. Slater, Zack, or Screech. Keep in mind that A.C. Slater allegedly raped that one girl. And Zack used steroids to pump up but that was back in the SBTB days. And Screech is a douchebag but he allegedly has a huge penis (okay, not allegedly; I've seen it and it is very big)?
  3. [FOR WOMEN ONLY] If you were in a gang would it be "The Knuckle Sluts," "The Vadge Hammers," or the "The Sarah Jessica Parker is Attractives"?
  4. [FOR RICKY SCHROEDER ONLY] What's Alfonso Ribeiro really like? He seems like an okay guy but you can never really tell with celebrities.
  5. Who was the boss?
  6. Delicious bananas with a slight tinge of green on the skin or gross bananas with disgusting brown spots on the skin?
  7. Dudes who say "Bro" or bros who say "Dude" or both (Matthew McConaughey)?
  8. Golden Girls or Gilmore Girls?
  9. Sexual fantasy: something to do with onion rings or Michael Winslow doing helicopter noises?
  10. Perfect date: dinner and a movie or dinner and a movie with Elliot Gould in it?
  11. Julie Andrews showing her boobs in the movie "S.O.B." (essay question)
  12. Sexier: Mel Gibson on a racist tirade or Robin Williams in the nude?
  13. If you met Ian Ziering in real life would you pronounce his first name like Ion or would you just go ahead and say it like Ian even though you know he prefers it like Ion.
  14. Does this questionnaire have too many references to TV shows from the 80s and 90s: yes, no, or Mayim Bialik?
That was easy wasn't it? Now sit back and relax while your results are calcularized. You will be snatchmatched to your perfect AWESOME mate in no time!


  1. I want to find my perfect mate, so:

    1. The one where he saves that cowboy.
    2. Zack
    3. The boss was Alyssa Milano.
    4. Slight green.
    5. Bros who say "dude".
    6. Golden Girls.
    7. Onion Rings
    8. Dinner and a movie.
    9. I feel this great, great pressure.
    10. Mel Gibson
    11. Lon
    12. No

  2. 1 The one where Scott Bakula makes that confused face.
    2 I might love you.
    3 The Knuckle Sluts
    4 I probably do. Shhh.
    5 I think the couch. The one in every shot.
    6 Gross bananas, mos def.
    7 both
    8 Golden
    9 onion rings
    10 no elliot gould
    11 razor face scraping noises
    12 mel.
    13 ian
    14 mayim bialik

    I hope I will find true love. Thank you.

  3. 1. i have never seen quantum leap. my nineties were more about bible drill and deciding which country I would spread the gospel of christ once i grew up..
    2. um, max?
    3. knuckle sluts sounds fresh, hope there are sleepovers.
    4. feel left out.
    5. mona. Duh
    6. brown spots. makes me feel better about my theighs.
    7. I am not a fan of ‘bro’, but I do like ‘fella’ (southern) and ‘dude’ is my line
    8. anyone who does not answer golden girls should be shot in a public setting and left to die.
    9. I bring my own onion ring.
    10. dinner and every episode of friends with elliot gould in it.
    11. see question one.
    12. always robin williams in the nude, hopefully in ‘good will hunting character’ (daddy complex)
    13. ian (diagnosed oppositional defiant after shunning jesus)
    14 jenna von oy

    not single but this is fun!

  4. Oh, bad news. The URL for has been taken by some porn fetish site (ladies who light their vaginas on fire?) so I'll have to change the name. Maybe something like

    Also, so far demand has been a little less enthusiastic than I had projected. Global financial crisis etc. Great answers from everyone but, um, so, DJ, you can hook up with xTx. xTx, you can hook up with gamefaced. And gamefaced, you can hook up with DJ. Should be fine. Good luck.

  5. also, no offence, but the correct answer was Gilmore Girls.

  6. "The Sarah Jessica Parker is Attractives"


    My exazandi just exploded


Google Analytics Alternative