with a gun

her husband killed himself.

he held the shotgun between his feet and pulled the trigger with a string. or it might have been a pistol. he held it in his mouth and got off three shots before he dropped. and there was a tooth stuck in the door across the other side of the room. that's what people say. he did it with a gun. or he sat in the car in the garage with a hose connected to the exhaust pipe. she was there. or she was working late that night. or they'd had a fight and she'd gone out for a drive. but not in the same car that he did it in. unless he did it with a gun.

and now here she is. laughing and working and why isn't she sad. she is sad. she cries. she hates her son because he reminds her. his face. her son moved to alaska. to escape. or he's off at college fucking sluts. he's off the rails. drugs. or he's coping okay. he's getting married in the fall. to a nice girl. he's closer than ever with his mum. they go to the movies on tuesday nights because it's half price on tuesdays.

he did it because they were having money trouble. she cheated on him or he cheated on her and he was ashamed. he beat her. he had a history of depression. they were so good together. always happy and they used to kiss sometimes right there in the street. they were still in love. why him though? he was the strong one. always there. and funny and he smiled and never would you suspect. he'd talked about it before. joked or he was serious. he asked her for help. she didn't help him. they went to see someone together. he went to see someone. he was taking something. he was getting better. he didn't drink. no drugs. not even prescriptions. he was a gambler.

his insurance policy covered it. she's all set now. or it didn't. she's moving back in with her dad. he has a drinking problem. or a broken hip. he's moving in with her so she can help care for him. she got fired from her job. embezzlement. or she kept crying in the meetings. she quit.

she uses her job as an escape. she's a workaholic. a promotion and now she is somebody. how long has it been? she's already seeing someone else. fucking him. they were together before. now it's in the open. they're just friends. he's helping her get through it. they talk and drink coffee. like friends.

the boy found him. there was no note. or she found him. there was a note. one word. sorry. or it said i tried. i love you. or it was rambling and he hated her.

they are selling the house. can't get the blood out. she has kept his things exactly as they were. it's creepy. she's moved on. painted the house and planted daisies. she sits on the porch and waves. she smiles. or she's angry. hateful. she can't understand why.

her husband killed himself.