bob's your uncle

today is d-day
bob saget's t-shirt is on e-bay
and some asshole is trying to out-bid me
i like bob saget
(i really like bob saget)
and i'm going to buy that t-shirt
it's a real one that he wore under his suit on the set of full house
it's authenticated
and it's going to be mine
5 minutes 'till
who is this bitch
can't she see it's got stains in the pits
(not that i mind)
he's signed it and the money is going to some kind of charity
for kids with broken something or whatever
but i don't care i'm buying this one to wear
and not just to bed
i'll be sporting my bob on saturday night
at home, at work, at book club, too
with my jeans or dress and fancy shoes
the auction's almost done
oh shit i think i've won
but
oh you stupid fuck
upped me by a buck
i'm done with these rotten cunts
(as soon as i get those slacks of allan funt's)