Ron Jenkins

I hate answering the phone halfway through a bowl of cereal.
Balancing the milk in the spoon and concealing the slurp. I
should have just had toast.

"Oh, thank god, you're alive." It was Renee. "It says here in
the paper…"

"I know," I interrupted. "Ron Jenkins died on Saturday."

"Ron Jenkins. From Lansing," continued Renee.

"It's a different Ron Jenkins," I assured her. "I've had
three calls about it already."

"Thank god," she gasped. "I thought you were dead."

"Nope, it wasn't me," I explained. "I died a long time ago."