Friday, December 25, 2009

the greenhouse effect

what is the greenhouse effect? he can't remember. he did a presentation on it in school. stood up in front of the whole class. he was nervous. he clutched the table in front of him for support but his hands shook so hard the table started vibrating. the other kids laughed. but they were all impressed with his poster board.

now he's sitting with a woman at a fancy restaurant and they're sharing a crème brulée. it's not big enough to share. she's a scientist and he likes the way she eats. she sucks the crème brulée off the spoon and then mashes it against the top of her mouth with her tongue. she lets it slide down the back of her throat and then she talks.

"the greenhouse effect," she says. "something, something, something."

he can't remember what it is. he isn't stupid. he knows things. he can figure things out. but now she's stopped talking and she wants him to say something. she wants him to engage in the conversation. she wants to know his opinion on the greenhouse effect and how it something, something, something. the crème brulée is finished. there's nothing left to do but talk.

it's awkward. he might change the subject. or lie or excuse himself for a toilet break.

then he tells her. "i don't remember what the greenhouse effect is." and "i don't know anything about something, something, something."

she laughs. she likes his honesty. she tells him that she doesn't shave her legs.

"i don't like christmas," he admits.

then she blurts out "i've had an abortion."

they laugh together. they touch each other. they kiss at the end of the night.

it's the best date he's ever been on. her too.

later, they see movies. they do sexual things to each other. they get married. they buy a house that isn't green. it's a regular coloured house. they are happy.


  1. Today is Rickey Henderson's birthday.


  2. she should step up her game. i mean, an abortion? like, singular? who hasn't?
    merry xmas!

    verify: immacc


  3. ricky henderson is a dick (i.e. he's no ricky schroeder)

    also, realistically, he's probably never even had a single abortion.


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