Tuesday, December 22, 2009
robot people hands
i'm a robot now. she doesn't know on account of i haven't seen her since the whole thing "went down." i want to call her up and say "oh hey there butter clit, i'm a robot now. i have a blue/white polymer face and animatronic robot people hands. my brain is a giant computer." and she'll say something like "hey, who is this" because i have a modulated robot voice now and she won't recognize it and i'll say "it's me roberto" and then she'll be all "well then how come you sound like a robot?" and i'll say "because i'm a robot now."
then she probably won't believe me so i'll say "hey i can prove it, why don't we meet down at the baja club and we can grab a coffee or something and i will peel back the casing on my wrist and show you my wires."
and she'll be all "but robots can't drink coffee on account of they are robots not human people people with throats and digestive systems."
and i'll say "i know i won't have any coffee, you can have a coffee and i will do really hard calculations and tell you the answers because robots are really good at maths."
then she'll be all "okay, i guess so but you should know that i have a boyfriend now and i really meant all those things i said."
and i'll be all "no worries because they stripped away my emotions and replaced them with the entire contents of the internet movie database."
and she'll be all "oh that's pretty awesome and actually hey can you tell me what was the name of that movie where rob lowe is having an affair with his roommate's mum and his roommate is andrew mccarthy" and i'll immediately respond with actually it was the other way around, andrew mccarthy was having an affair with rob lowe's mum and the movie was called class" and she'll be all "oh, okay, thanks."
and then when we meet up at the baja club she will take me back because i am still the same person but i am a robot now.