Thursday, December 10, 2009

metaphor is a metaphor for climate change

this story does not contain any metaphors. in fact, metaphors do not exist at all. this story is literally not even a story. it is the world. a man is in the world. he has a perfectly symmetrical face. he has good posture. the man is stone phillips. he is not jim stossel. gimme a break, jim stossel does not even exist. jim stossel is a metaphor for stone phillips. the man in the world who is stone phillips is doing an in-depth news story about climate change, which by the way is a metaphor for metaphors. it does not exist.

stone phillips is not actually a journalist. he works with journalists. the journalists do not have symmetrical faces. they do not have suitable hair. the journalists gather the details. they write words and line them up in formation. stone phillips reads the words and people hear the words. people believe the words because stone phillips has a symmetrical face.

the words are about climate change. this year it was really hot somewhere. and it was colder than usual. there was a storm. people are concerned. is stone phillips getting old? is he becoming more distinguished or is he ugly now. the people think stone phillips is ugly now. they do not believe the words that stone phillips tells them via their televisions. televisions are a metaphor for the internet. the internet does not exist.

people eat their dinner. they go to work. they talk about stone phillips. he's getting old they say. therefore climate change does not exist. they do not realize that not existing is a metaphor for existing. stone phillips does not have a symmetrical face. his face is a metaphor for jim stossel's moustache.


  1. Top notch, as always, Mr. Roller.

  2. stone phillips needs to discover the metaphor of botox-as-credibility. or maybe stache-as-cred.

  3. fiesth is a metaphor for awesomeness

  4. rollerfink is a metaphor for jefferson byrd.


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