Saturday, January 23, 2010

she's got the hammer

she has a two year contract on the sydney to L.A. and she likes it. flying there, flying back. she's young and it's fun. but a couple of weeks ago she had a dream about ashton kutcher and a lot of girls dream about ashton kutcher but this was a bad dream. in the dream he was flying first class and she was his flight attendant and he said to her "i can't tell if you're a woman or a girl" and she giggled and the next thing she new she was getting raped in the cockpit by ashton kutcher and the pilots were all dead with blood on their faces and one of them was bruce willis and the plane was spiraling out of control, down towards the ocean below. then suddenly this was all happening to her in a tv show and a couple was on the couch watching her get raped.

"oh no," said the girl on the couch. "it's okay," said the boy. "she's got the hammer."

then in the dream there was a hammer in her hand and she could hear the boy saying "hit him in the face with the hammer." she didn't want to hit ashton kutcher in the face with a hammer but he was raping her and the boy just kept saying "come on, hit him with the hammer."

so in the dream she hit ashton kutcher in the face with the hammer. his teeth exploded into a million tiny diamonds and they rolled up hill, out of the cockpit, into the main cabin. the passengers all piled into the aisleway and onto the floor and they were stuffing their pockets with ashton kutcher's diamond teeth. then ashton kutcher jumped out of the plane. he had a parachute.

so when she got the call from operations, she cried. they asked her to be first alternate for first class. that's a big deal. especially since she'd heard that dierdre was pregnant.  first class. first alternate. but that also meant that the dream might be coming true.

"i'm not going to take it" she told her girlfriends. "i'll just stay back in economy."

"but first class is your dream," they said.

and it was so she took it and now here she is, sydney to L.A., and she's in first class and so is ashton kutcher.

she brings him a coke and he's nice and he's chatting to the woman next to him and then he glances up at her. "i can't tell if you're a woman or a girl," he says.

"i'm a woman," she says to ashton kutcher.

he smiles, his teeth gleaming, and he laughs.

then she hears that voice again. "hit him with the hammer."

she checks her hand for the hammer but it isn't there so she asks him if he wants another coke and he does.

after they land she sees ashton kutcher outside of the airport getting into a limousine. he sees her too and he nods and waves her over. "we're having a party," he says. "you should come." he hands her a card with an address on it. "no thanks," she says. "i've got plans."

1 comment:

  1. The moral of the story is Ashton Kutcher is married!


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