the handjob blog

Hey guys, this story is now featured in the first issue of Up. Check it out!

a handjob occurs when the woman uses the hand part of her body to stroke the penis part of a man's body.

sometimes there is no woman involved. i.e., man-on-man handjob action is permissible, and for some, preferable.

handjobs were invented by a couple of dutch teenagers in 1987.

prior to 1987 couples would engage in mouth jobs, dry humping, "foot rolling," or bawdy conversation.

common terms for a handjob include handy, palm sunday, tuggie, and tom hanks.

handjobs can relieve stress, boredom, frustration, depression, and erections.

ejaculation must occur for the handjob to be considered complete.

handjobs are not restrained to the bedroom. other places they can occur include: bathroom, swimming pool,  bus, movie theater, bleachers, beach, couch, shower, classroom, bushes, conference room, nightclub, car, ferris wheel, and on horseback.

lubrication is optional for handjobs. hot sauce is not a suitable lubricant.

if it tickles, you are doing it wrong.

integration is an emerging trend in the world of handjobs. people are beginning to incorporate handjobs into their daily activities. for example, you can get a handjob while eating lunch or while attending a parent teacher conference.

if every man in china faced the same direction at the same time while receiving a handjob the resulting wave of semen would generate enough force when it splotched on the ground to temporarily speed the earth's rotation by 0.000000000000000000000014 meters per second.

handjobs are appealing to people of all ages, however interest has subsided in recent years. a poll conducted by usa today revealed that people now prefer the following things to handjobs: butterflies; cookies with m&m's in them; mandy moore; two and a half men; telling it like it is; and robots.