i collect things. not just things. photographs. photographs of james spader in a sports coat. and not just a sports coat. a white sports coat. it is a very specific hobby. an obsession. i started collecting the same year that pretty in pink came out. i saw the movie and i wanted to be james spader in a white sports coat. i tried feathering my hair and leaning against cars but i couldn't pull it off. i was more like andrew mccarthy's even gayer brother. so i started collecting.
on sundays i drive around strange neighbourhoods looking for garage sales with boxes or stacks of magazines for sale. i buy them. i read them and with every turn of the page i anticipate. that feeling i will get if a james spader in a white sports coat appears. it will be euphoric.
i don't have a big collection. in fact i only have one photograph. it is a photograph of james spader in a white sports coat. i keep it in an album. on the front of the album it says "james spader in a white sports coat." i have pasted the photograph in the album and glued some sparklies around it. it looks nice. i look at it.
for my birthday last year my wife bought me a white sports coat. it isn't a photograph of james spader in a white sports coat. it is an actual white sports coat. i don't like it.