robots in rowboats

i saw a guy on tv. he claimed that he never masturbated. had never masturbated. in his life. he didn't need to because he always had a lady friend who could "take care of business" for him. i had masturbated. in fact i masturbated as i watched the tv, thinking about all of those ladies taking care of the man's business. except i was the man. then i ejaculated my last 10cc's of self respect all over the tv. it landed on the man's face.

so i wrote a letter to my local newspaper. it was an advice column and i needed advice. they edited out the part about me jizzing on the telly. their advice was to join a taekwondo class. you get to wear outfits, which they said would make me feel proud of myself. And they said lots of women take taekwondo class because they don't want to get raped. they said women who don't want to get raped are pretty good sorts on the whole.

so that's where we met. we had things in common. she didn't want to get raped and i didn't want to rape her.

i didn't kick her in the face because she had a nice face. but i did tumble with her. i slammed her on the ground. that's what you do in taekwondo. you slam each other on the ground. but we didn't get together. WE NEVER GOT TOGETHER. we did get together once. we didn't get together. we kissed. i also squeezed her buttocks with my hand. her butt. how do you say it when you want it to sound as rock hard sexy as it was. buttocks. butt. i liked it. we liked it together.

then i went home and masturbated. i was wearing my outfit and i didn't feel ashamed.